Hey jibaky. Firstly I want to thank you for taking on the story. It's always exciting to see a different authors take and the style the use to deliver a particular story. The story, though more straightforward and simple, is still very creative, very fun to read and hot. Also most importantly, it delivers on what has been requested, to a satisfactory manner, though not spare of some minor and major criticisms. Minor - I thought the story could do with a touch of extra polish in its presentation and also could have benefited from the addition of some flair or quirkness that was present in flashes. Minor - Certain sections of the story also delved a bit too deeply into exposition which at times, severely undercutting the storytelling aspect of the story. Its makes sense that the reader needs to understand the mechanics of what's unfolding and how, but this could have been done by introducing these things a lot more subtly and gradually. As the expression goes its better to show than to tell. Major - the pacing bordered on being a bit too fast but was saved by the overall execution of the story being very good. But again, I would encourage you to slow things down for future stories and really spend time building things up. Major - I thought the ending was also rather disappointingly abrupt when things appeared to be transitioning too the next part. I hope this is only indication of good things to come from this particular story in terms of an additional part or future installment describing the interaction between Blair and the MC. Certainly Frank hasn't won over Blair yet, though its hinted at and I would still like to see how things unfold. I am only one of the main benefactors of this story so I hope all parties are satisfied with the length and overall result considering the investment. But yeah excellent job. I'm happy.

Oh yeah, last thing because I like to be as comprehensive as possible, lol. The one thing that appears to have been completely glossed over from the original commission is the description of the party. Again the ending was very abrupt so I hope this can be a feature in a future installment. Also, Frank didn't technically fully win over of Blair yet. So pleassse put me out of misery and consider doing another part?

Hey, thank you for the kind words, and for the criticism. This is actually the first erotic story i've ever written, and the first time i've written a story in english, so it's good seeing that there are parts of it that you liked. that probably explains some of the problems you talked about.
A few things i can say bout the ending, i'm going to be honest with you, I was so worried about making the story make sense, and to comply with what i remembered in the request that i honestly forgot about the party setting, which is why i made it a normal classroom meeting, next time i write anything like this, i'll probably keep the request open on the side, so i can reference it, and not forget about anything, and on the topic of blair and the new angelica's interaction, i was really scared of writing that. I don't have any idea about how women go about flirting with each other, so i chose to not write it for a bit. I might come back to it eventually, maybe have angelica possess some other people for seduction experience, while trying to make her relationship with blair work beyond the ken of just having wild sex, since the way i wrote blair, even after rebelling enough against her upbringing to admit that she enjoys looking and touching other women, she would still find it difficult to actually begin a serious thing with one.
These are all things i'd realy rather do when i have more experience writing, since as you said, i do have a hard time with not being overly expositive and too direct, its what put me off of getting any of the good ideas i've seen in this site, thinking i wouldnt do it justice, though i also suppose that not doing anything would probably not help me with that.
I will come back to it, since i really liked the setting that was commissioned, but not for at least one or two months, since i'm getting to the exams part of college, so i'll have less time to just laze around and write porn

Hey no problem. For English not being your main language and this being your first story this is about a million times better than anything I could have written. I'm sure with even more practice you will be somebody who is seasoned in no time. What's crazy is that I was sure I've seen you put out something before but then I realised it's because I've seen you regularly comment on a different platform. Good taste btw. But yeah I wish you good luck with school and hope to see more from you soon. If you don't mind I would like to hit you up and chat with you some more.

Cool premise, and nice character building. Woulda been cool to get more descriptions on the process of take overs, and to make the character less OP since it feels like franks on god mode atm haha. Thanks for writing!