“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”

Lee rolled over in bed to find himself nose to nose with Tania, his girlfriend of almost a year.

Tania looked back at him without a hint of guile in her expression.

Lee sighed and closed his eyes. He had been expecting this question. Dreading it, even. By all accounts, the only “right” way to answer was basically to lie.

“What?” He said, buying time.

Tania averted her eyes in feigned nonchalance.

“I dunno, I just feel like if I was born as a worm, you wouldn’t like me.”

Lee spent some time carefully assembling a truthful answer.

“Tania, if you had been born as a worm, it would have been very difficult for you to use the equipment at the gym where we met. Furthermore, I would suggest that we would have struggled to bake together, sing together, go drinking together and… well, all the other ways we enjoy each other’s company together, and that would certainly put a strain on the relationship.”

Tania had turned back to look at him as he spoke, though it was impossible to tell from her expression if he was making a strong case or not.

“On the other hand,” he continued, trying for humour. “I’ve seen plenty of worms while gardening and while I’m sure they’re all just as charming, intelligent and thoughtful as you are, I can promise you that I’m not about to run away with any of them.”

Tania looked at him for a little longer before rolling away onto her back and staring at the ceiling.

While Lee had been expecting to be memed at some point during their relationship, he had not been expecting such an apparently serious response.

“What if,” Tania eventually said. “You woke up tomorrow and found me turned into a worm?”

Lee found himself wondering how long this would continue, coming up with the best answer he could on short notice.

“I would endeavour to avoid rolling on top of you.”

More silence, more staring at the ceiling.

“What if…” Tania trailed off with much less certainty this time. “What if I told you…”

Lee waited dutifully. Tania was clearly working her way towards asking a difficult question, and he was happy to give her all the time she needed to pick her route.

“What if I told you that deep down inside, …